Santa's got a new informant...and he's creepy as hell..

Last year around this time, my sister linked me to what she described as "the creepiest thing she has ever seen". Sure enough if was a picture of the recent Christmas phenomenon the Elf On the Shelf

I researched this elf and found out that at the time, it could only be bought online and was selling out like The Dark Night on opening day. I had no clue how this could be when you look at that things face and its enough to bring back all childhood trauma of clowns, or elfs with what i call "rape face" aka the rosey cheeks. I forgot about this elf until last friday my boss cam ein and told me that she went to some holiday house and people were standing in line to buy this "elf" doll. I was curious what elf could possibly be this amazing and she told me to get it out of her car, then it hit me...could it be???? YES IT WAS THE ELF ON THE SHELF. I knew it sounded familiar and she then brought me into her office and subjected me to the assailants creepy tale of the elf being hid in different places to act as a spy or informant to santa about the activities of children before Christmas. Santa is to busy to see what everyones doing so here is this creep elf to help him out essentially.

As a toy, this thing acts as a tool to scare children into submission seasonally so they will do what their parents want them to do in hope of the big payout on th 25th. Its sort of like the Bible in that way you know, the scaring people into doing the right thing part. Don't these kids know that they have to WORK for their xmas presents now? After all its not their birthday its Jesus's birthday, those gifts dont come for free, shit. All i know is, iw ouldnt want to wake up to that creep face staring at me in the morning. I think Lynn Goslee put it best when she stated

"the more i look at that elf, the creepier he gets. he looks like he's been molested...or maybe he's some weirdo pedophile. those big rosy cheeks and his eyes all shifted to the right. i don't trust it. he looks like he'd get under your sheets and touch your privates. sick dude. if i had one, i'd hide it in your underwear drawer. that's the kind of place where he'd fit in. or maybe on the edge of the bathroom sink, where he could watch you undress before getting in the shower. "

And this is supposed to be a childrens holiday tradition?? I don't think so. This is just as creepy as Americans affinity for elfyourself.com. serioulsy what is with this elf obsession? Santa is so passe.